


Behind the Counter

by oneturianwoman (sakuramae)



Category: Mass Effect Trilogy
Genre: Accidental Voyeurism, EDI is a troll, Established Shepard/Garrus Vakarian, F/M, Mild Smut, No Shepard Without Vakarian, Romance, Sexual Content, Smut, Tali is traumatized, Voyeurism, i'm sorry tali
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-03
Updated: 2019-11-03
Packaged: 2021-01-21 20:34:15
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,460
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21288248
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sakuramae/pseuds/oneturianwoman
Summary: After another near-death mission, Tali just wanted a nice night alone to her thoughts. Pity that she wasn't the only one planning to sequester herself inside the Normandy's bar.
Relationships: Female Shepard & Garrus Vakarian, Female Shepard/Garrus Vakarian, Shepard/Garrus Vakarian
Comments: 7
Kudos: 70





	Behind the Counter

Tali'Zorah vas Normandy considered the Normandy SR-2 her first home away from home.

Sure, it was often filled with different brand of aliens running amuck, but she had learned to get used to that. She _had _to get used to it. Commander Shepard ran the crew, and anyone loyal to the commander was decent enough in her book (and should they choose to rebel, there was always the airlock). When she didn't feel like talking--which was most of the time--she often stayed in Engineering, where the silence was mostly punctured by the beauteous drive core.

When she was feeling bored, she went to the observation deck. When she was feeling social, she went to the mess hall. And when she was feeling particularly down, she gathered herself, traveled one floor up, and parked her rear at the bar.

Tali did not drink all too often, and she'd drunk herself to a sick stupor maybe only once (damn mission at Sanctuary was a doozy). That had ended up with Shepard literally dragging her quarian-wasted ass toward life support where the highly-esteemed commander left her to sober up.

It took all of two hours to do so, and Tali had been careful not to make a repeat of _that_ embarrassing episode. Though Shepard didn't seem too bothered by it--in fact, she had the sneaking suspicion that the woman was _amused_ by the whole thing. It must be a human thing, to find the prospect of drunk subordinates a sort of entertainment.

She shrugged it off and took another sip of her drink, thinking about their most recent mission. Tali had been on Shepard's ground crew that day, and while it hadn't been the closest she'd been to dying (she had been _burning _at the Collector base--a point she often brought up whenever Shepard did something crazy, like sending her out to repair a tower amidst an incoming horde of husks), it was the closest Shepard had gone to dying _again_.

And it was certainly the closest she, Garrus, _and _Shepard had been to perishing at the hands of Kai Leng.

"Insufferable bosh'tet," she slurred, hiccupping before taking another drink. She was glad he was finally dead.

Tali wondered how Garrus and Shepard managed to keep their cool soon after getting off the Cerberus base, because Tali herself had been anything _but _calm and collected.

She recalled the two of them sharing some kind of gaze, and had disappeared soon after. Tali, on the other hand, went straight to the bar to wind herself down, snapping at anyone who tried to talk to her about her near-death experience. She'd caused a mass exodus from the lounge rightly enough, and being alone was a welcome reprieve. Not to mention she had the alcohol all to herself.

It had been hours later, and she found herself curled up behind the bar, with no recollection of how she'd ended up on the floor.

"Keelah," she murmured, rubbing her head. She made her way to stand, and froze at the _whooshing _of the door.

"…commandeering the bar, EDI." A low grumble. She talked to the voice's owner so often on the comms that she knew who that had been. "We're not to be disturbed."

Tali didn't need to be a brilliant engineer (though she was) to know who had come in with Garrus Vakarian.

EDI's soothing, female voice erupted from the lounge's intercom. "Understood, though there may be objections to closing up--"

"Do as the turian says, EDI," growled a deep but obviously female voice. "We don't have time for this."

_Shepard_, Tali thought wryly. Of course.

"Very well, Commander," EDI said. "Shall I also assume that you will not need my supervision for the activities you wish to partake?"

"It would be preferable, yes," Shepard said.

"Then I shall leave you."

There was a long pause, and Tali felt herself turning purple; she'd been holding her breath since EDI's last response, and it was a _long while_ before Garrus and Shepard spoke once again.

It occurred to Tali that the two may have wanted to be alone at the bar. Probably they had the same idea she did; drink themselves to a stupor.

It _hadn't _occurred to her that they'd be locking themselves in to do _other things_.

In fact, it hadn't entered her mind once.

Up until she heard something bump onto one of the bar stools. There was another thud, and the breathing Tali heard nearby had become just a bit erratic.

Oh. _Oh_. It occurred to Tali then that she should have made herself known _before _EDI had locked her in with two of her best friends. Two of her best friends who were clearly in the throes of pleasure. With Tali a mere pace away.

This was certainly one of the worst conundrums the quarian had ever faced. And the only solution she had was to curl in on herself in hopes that Garrus and Shepard were too distracted to notice her.

"Turn around," rasped Garrus.

Tali had never heard her turian friend this agitated before. Not even when Cerberus phantoms had snuck past their defenses to swipe at him with their technologically-enhanced katana.

Something rustled, fell to the floor. Then, a pair of hands slammed onto the bar counter. That must have been Shepard, who hadn't said a word since. Instead, what Tali heard--besides her commander's deep, husky breathing--was several small whimpers.

Commander Fucking Shepard was _whimpering_.

And Garrus was giving her commands.

_Keelah_. Tali was never going to dispel the debauched sounds out of her memory.

The sound of bodies moving, slowly, slowly, slowly at first, picking up speed until Tali cringed at the frenetic pace that heightened the smell of sweat and sex in the air. The eerie silence of the lounge was punctured sporadically with rough grunts and groans, and Tali curled into an even smaller ball, closing her eyes and trying _not _to picture the scene behind her.

_Trying _was the word.

_Failing _was more appropriate in this instance.

Hands on the counter, Shepard facing the bar, bent over, mouth open, face flushed, eyes closed. Behind her, Garrus, talons grasping his commander's sides, hips moving in constant, desperate motion, his own face concentrating on bringing his lover to…to…

"Please," came Shepard's voice. She repeated the word again, and Garrus half-chuckled, half-grunted.

_Keelah._ Commander Fucking Shepard was _begging_. And Garrus was _prolonging _whatever release she wanted. Tali didn't know how long she could take listening to this. It felt like they'd been in the damn lounge for _hours_.

A loud yelp, muffled quickly by what Tali thought were talons reaching up to cover Shepard's mouth. Several more thrusts. The quaking of two bodies. And…

It was over. Keelah, it was _over_.

Hands sliding off the counter, followed by several breathless kisses. The sound of a satisfied turian and the sigh of a human woman as though she'd bitten into a slice of turian chocolate. The declaration of love soon after from both parties. The pressing of buttons.

The lounge came to life once more, the soft music--which had stopped the minute EDI left--coming from the holographic jukebox to the side of the bar.

"Thanks, EDI," Shepard said, breathless still.

"How did you know?" Garrus asked. Tali wasn't sure if he'd posed this question to Normandy's AI or the commander. When neither answered, he asked the question again. "EDI, you responded quickly."

"Naturally," EDI said, "While my calculations were not one hundred percent accurate, I had calculated the time it would take for copulation to terminate with a margin of point zero four seconds. Admittedly, some variables were unaccounted for, including the level of stress both of you had undergone and the urgency with which--"

"Alright, I got it," Garrus said. Tali couldn't see him, but she imagined he had winced. If she hadn't been so utterly traumatized, the thought of a discomfited Garrus would have set her to giggling. "Carry on."

The door _whooshed _open again, and Tali breathed the biggest sigh of relief when two sets of footsteps left the lounge, leaving her alone once more.

No, not _totally alone_.

"I find myself regretting my actions, Tali'Zorah," EDI said once the door closed. "It was not my intent to keep you trapped inside and without your permission."

Tali groaned. Of course EDI would know she was in here. Why wouldn't she have? "No, it's...let's just not speak of that ever again. In fact, the faster I forget about today the better I'll feel in the morning."

"Perhaps more alcohol would help," the AI suggested.

"You're right." Tali grabbed several bottles off the shelves and sauntered out of the lounge. "But this time, I'm drinking in my room."

**Author's Note:**

> So I've been holding onto a bunch of Mass Effect fanfics for years, and I never got the nerve to put them up anywhere. I decided to rip off the bandaid and put up the one smutfic I ended up writing. I don't normally write smut, so this one's going to be an exception, not a rule. I feel like I still need to apologize to Tali after this...but yeah.


End file.
